It’s the day after Mother’s Day 2017!

In order to celebrate the occasion, I thought we could go for a lighter topic and have a look at some of video games more…particular mothers, and just for a larff try to estimate what they would want for mother’s day. We were SUPPOSED to do this yesterday, so it would actually be more topical, but it turns out trying to get mother’s day sorted out for my actual mother took way longer than expected. Any who, let’s take a gander! (Some spoilers within)

The Boss (Metal Gear Solid 3)

01TheBoss

The Boss is regarded as the greatest solider of her time (surpassed only by her own student), and is more or less one of the greatest soldiers ever seen. She lead the ‘colourful’ Cobra unit into countless battles, created her own kind of close-quarters combat, and was probably the most loyal patriot the USA had ever been graced with. She would go on to create a legacy that, while heavily misinterpreted by others, would show just how much influence she had on other’s lives.

What I’m trying to get around to saying is that this is the kind of woman you don’t just give a half-assed card to.

The Boss is a complicated case since while she is indeed a biological mother (to mention to whom would be a colossal spoiler); her metaphorical mother-son relationship with the original Snake is far more prevalent. Entire essays could be written about the complex relationship between the man would become known as Big Boss and his mentor, but there’s no doubt in my mind that she was the most important woman in his entire life. Heck, it’s even possible to say that she was a mother to the whole Cobra unit: no mean feat, considering one of its members is over one hundred years old, and another member is just a guy that shoots bees at people (seriously). To sum it up, in addition to being one of the most impressive women in the world, she’s also the surrogate mother to the most rag-tag “family” the world has ever seen.

Admittedly, going to fight on the beaches of Normandy while heavily pregnant was perhaps not her greatest idea, though was definitely pretty badass. A lot of woman can barely move when late into pregnancy, let alone fight in one of history’s most iconic battles. All in all, quite the glowing record. Would certainly be a shame if said record was marred by defection…

What would she want for mother’s day?
               For someone to send a letter to everybody who keeps misinterpreting her will and going off the deep end in her name. I mean, come on: she just wanted the world to realize they don’t have to go to war over imaginary lines on a map, and that they all share their beautiful planet without wrecking it with nuclear hell-fire. Come on guys. It’s not too hard to understand.

Bayonetta (from the game of the same name)

01Bayonetta

As one of the last remaining Umbra Witches in existence, Bayonetta fills her days slaying the various agents of heaven that regularly flock to try and kill her. Armed with four pistols (two of which are strapped to her feet) and the powers of demonic beings, Bayonetta is definitely not a woman to be trifled with.

Despite all that, she seems to blanch when she comes across a little girl called Cereza who calls her “mummy,” and the tyke is determined to cling on to her. In addition to seeing the usually cool as a cucumber Bayonetta get a pretty funny set of interactions with this child, we also get to see that Bayonetta is actually pretty protective of her, and jumps through some serious hoops in order to keep her safe. While a little slow to warm to the idea, we are shown that Bayonetta makes for an encouraging and emboldening influence for the young Cereza.

We also find out that she…is Cereza.

Due to some serious time travel stuff, Bayonetta gets the award for being probably the only person in existence who was, at one point, a mother to herself. That means she probably got the idea for how she wanted to be in the future…from herself, in the future, who must have gone through the same thing. Weirdly, the rabbit hole only gets deeper as we find our more, since it’s shown in Bayonetta 2 that Cereza/Bayonetta’s actual mother did indeed look identical to how the witch actually looks during the events of the games.

For a game that’s not overly concerned about the plot, Bayonetta sure was one hell of a trip.

What would she want for mother’s day?
Any number of things:
– Replacement dresses for all the ones the angels have wrecked
– A lifetime supply of lollipops
– More weapons
– More places to strap those weapons (maybe she can stick one to her forehead?)
– More demons at her beck and call
– More demons at her beck and call that WON’T try to kill her
– For the Umbra Witches to not be completely wiped out
– Anti-Cockroach spray (crybaby edition)

I would add ‘more angels to brutalize,’ but that’s a particular gift she gets everyday already.

Sora’s Ma (Kingdom Hearts)

01SorasMa

Ahh, who could forget this classic Kingdom Hearts character. (I mean, besides the writers.)

Sora’s mother raised our goofy-shoe-wearing hero, and was a great influence in his life. True, she went pretty easy on the boy, mostly letting him faff around on an island (which has a pretty confusingly unclear position relative to the mainland) with his two childhood friends. However, I have no doubt in my mind that Sora’s core ethos and morals wouldn’t have been the same without his mother’s influence.

Indeed, she might actually be the single-most important character in the entire franchise: one of the key requirements for wielding a Key-blade is having a “strong heart.” Who do you think gave Sora the genetics to have a heart that pumps blood at almost half the effort of a normal person? Definitely not his dad, who might as well not exist considering he doesn’t even have a single line in the entire series, which is pretty weak compared to her two lines.

Basically: without a Key-blade, Sora couldn’t stop the Heartless, but without his biological heart, Sora would probably struggle to do very much, thusly his mother is literally the only reason the Heartless will one day be defeated.

I’m sure when she comes back in Kingdom Hearts 3 as the secret true final boss, we’ll all be happy that the series ended with its strongest and most layered character.

[Alright, serious point for a moment: for a series that is so steeped in the importance we as people share with those we care about, I do wonder slightly why no one’s parents have appeared outside of minor references in conversations. I  do get it: from a writing stand-point, having a young characters parents around can cause a mess because the audience begins to wonder how the hell said parents can stand to let them go gallivanting around the place. Still, if it turns out Xehanort is also Sora’s father, I’m just going to call it quits.]

What would she like for mother’s day?
For Sora to come down and get his bloody dinner.

—-

It may have only been a small sample, but talking about these odd cases always make me realize just how weird and wonderful these video games can get. We are certainly blessed with some pretty creative developers in the industry.

Speaking of which, make sure you come back for father’s day: if you thought there were some odd mothers in video games, ho boy…

See ya’ll next time!

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